I recently turned 31 years old and I have been seeing someone for a little over two years. When we first met, I had learned that he had gotten arrested for driving under the influence a few months before. It bothered me to some extent, but I know that people make mistakes. He is a big hockey fan, so when he attends hockey games with a family member (who also has gotten a DUI recently), I notice he has some drinks. This past summer when he got his second DUI, I told my family about the first one, but I have not said anything about the second one. He told me he was so worried about losing me and he would never drink and drive again. The hockey games began last week and he did have a couple drinks and drove home. I just wonder if I am a fool. Should I get out of the relationship now, before we get married and he ends up in jail? I know there will be many lot more hockey games when alcohol will be involved in our future. Please help me and let me know if I need to get out of this relationship ASAP — we are supposed to get engaged in the very near future.

Keeping Secrets

Dear Keeping Secrets,

When his secrets and shame become your secrets and shame, that's BAD, BAD, BAD. Do not keep his secrets. You know this is a red flag, but you don't want to tell anyone because you know what they will say. They will tell you that he has a drinking problem that isn't going to get any better unless he gets serious help. He tried once and slipped. Hockey season happens every year. Either he gets real help or you should consider getting out. Whatever you do, stop keeping his secrets.

Dear Harlan,

I've been in this relationship with a woman for four years. The past two years, I've been working and supporting her, and she won't lift a finger or try to make a dime, and she makes excuses. For the same amount of time, I feel like she's being incredibly selfish, and doesn't care about what I'm doing for her. Yesterday, she decided to tell me she's bored and wants the option to sleep with someone else if the opportunity comes up. She doesn't want me to do it at all. I told her if I were in her shoes, I'd break the relationship off and take the risk and see what happens. She wants her cake and to eat it too. I'm not impressed. How am I supposed to deal with this?

Lost in B.C.

Dear Lost,

If I were in your shoes, I'd run, not walk, away from this relationship. I could understand staying in this if this is the only woman in the world, but she's not. Look at it like this — there are lots of women who will disrespect you and NOT want to sleep with other men. At the minimum find someone faithful. This girl is no prize. Why you think this is the best you can do is the real problem. Seriously, I'd get some professional help so you can find the strength and courage to demand some respect. Thank you for illustrating how easy it is for a man to be disrespected. It happens to men more than we let the world know.